My husband and I are going through some things. Nothing horrible or divorce looming, but just some things. I am one of those people that needs to talk it out with my girlfriends to get a real perspective on how to handle and approach things. They are my rocks, my sanity and my therapist. Without them, I know I would be doomed in so many aspects of my life.
So, there I am spilling my guts out to them and I can’t help but feel like such a loser in my marriage. Here I am sitting across from these all-knowing-marriage goddesses and I can’t help but think ‘they must think I’m total mess!’ I started to think about it more and more and I honestly can’t think of one time in the years and years that we have been friends of them coming to me for marriage advice. I mean, clearly I am no expert, but they don’t even talk about their frustrations or complications or anything.
I couldn’t take it, I had to ask ‘why don’t you talk about your marriage stuff?’ They both replied with they just talk to their spouse about their troubles or keep it in. They had lots of other advice and perspective about what they do, but ultimately it came down to they don’t like to talk with others about their marriage issues.
All I could think was why not? When it comes to matters of the heart and home, why not talk about it?
I am not talking about a husband bitch fest or bashing in any way, I am talking about helping each other work through our issues. Most of have close friends who are in a similar places in life as of who have obviously gone through things, why can’t we just talk with one another, get advice and help each other be happier in life.
This also isn’t limited to marriage, what about problems with our kids, our families or our jobs; why do we have to keep that all to ourselves? Whenever there is anything wrong with my son or marriage or life, I almost always turn to my two best friends for advice to learn how they have dealt with these problems in the past. They help me see through my problems, identify what is really wrong and the best way to tackle it.
Why do we have keep our struggles in? Why can’t we just vent about how the baby has been crying all morning and you just want to scream? Why can’t we just talk through how to deal with the stress of being a full-time wife, mom and employee? When did it become weak or unacceptable to not turn to those who chose to love us most when we are truly in need? Why can’t we accept help from each other when we really need it? Why are we afraid to ask?
I recently watched a friend’s baby for a day because she and her husband got a horrible case of food poisoning. She posted up on Facebook how she desperately needed help, so I offered. For 8 hours I watched her son and it wasn’t a big deal to me. I knew that if I needed help when I was sick, I would want to have someone to take care of my kiddo. She was so grateful and bewildered that someone actually helped her. She said whenever she asks for help, no one actually does they just comment saying they wish they could.
Have we become a tribe of mothers who only say they will be supportive but doesn’t actually act that way? Are we all just showing off on Social Media, but never actually doing any good?
It’s time for us to woman up and help one another by also helping ourselves. It would be so much easier for us to parent, wife and job if we knew we weren’t going through our problems alone and that those closest to us are also dealing with things too (good and bad.) We have built our village and filled it with those we love and trust most, why not utilize them to their full potential? Be there for your friends but also turn to them when you too need help. You have built a safe place for them, it’s time to return that trust by letting them care for you in return.