Apparently, 14 months is the magic number that turn your sweet little baby into a toddler monster. Yea, he is cute and makes adorable faces and watching him explore brings all the happy feels to my heart. But all this other shit, for real, needs to go!
So, here are all the fun new things that my little decided to introduce to me this week (oh and don’t think isn’t lost on me that it’s only Wednesday.)
In an awesome effort to get more attention, my kid has discovered that if he hits his head hard on things I will give him attention. Keep in mind I am a Stay-At-Home-Mom, so he already gets all my attention as it is. Apparently, he thinks I have more to give. He started by head banging on the tile floor and when I didn’t jump up to hold him, he did it again and again all while he is crying. Seriously, what the hell is going on! I obviously can’t respond by hugging and coddling him, but so many times this week I have had to sit him on the soft floor with his blankie and a toy and try not to freak out about this weird self-mutilation. (I googled, apparently this is normal. Please don’t call CPS on me.)
Then, he discovered that mommy is squishy and fun to grab. So, he weasels his way onto my lap and then teases me with wanting to give kisses and talk to me. Then he does it. He grabs the skin on chest, causing me to scream in pain. So, then what does my sweet little spawn do? He laughs! Like a full on ear-to-ear grin, belly laugh at causing his mom pain. Needless to say, internally I was freaking out using all the swear words in my mind thinking how I could I have raised such an evil child. But I nicely explained, no that hurts mommy then showed him how to be gentle. All week, he has done nothing by grab, pinch and bite mommy causing me so much pain and anger while he laughs his butt off. I am in a complete panic that he is going to destroy the new baby because he has ZERO desire to correct this behavior.
On the same track of complete and utter defiance, he has taken to the baby-stare-and-do-what-I-want. You know, when he is getting into something he isn’t suppose to and you say no, then they just look at you and do it anyway. Seriously, evil, evil child!
To ice the cake, we are dealing with teething so everything is just a hot mess with this kid. He doesn’t want to take naps, his poops are a disaster, and all that makes him happy is mommy and his blankie. But when mommy is involved he wants to mutilate her body, so it has been just a lot of crying, picking up and tantrums as he tests his boundaries and I try to decipher between him needing real comfort or if he needs to just cry it out on the floor.
So yea, that’s my week. A lot of physical pain and emotionally frustrations with dealing with this kid has pretty much had me at my wits end. I have had a bunch of personal and professional projects to get done, so having toddlernado using me as his personal trailer park to dishevel there have been a lot of late nights to get done things done making me that much more tired and edgy.
Panic has officially set in for how I am going to deal with an 18-month-old and a newborn. Send me good vibes and any advice you have on how to deal with this madness. Let me know I am not alone in the comments. I can’t possibly be the only mom out there with a crazy toddler, right?
P.S. Tonight he has decided not to sleep, after not napping all day. Someone send chocolate!